The force of habits
Why does acting in alignment with duty feels so foreign?
Seven things I know. Over the next days, I will be recollecting on lessons learned by experience or reflection in 2024. I want to engage with the hardest personal subjects I manage to. Please bear with me as the process is turning out to be harder than I thought. These are field notes from the frontlines of unlearning. Maybe they'll spark your own uncomfortable conversations!
Day 6 — The force of habits
Habits are made of glass. Easy to break and hard to build. Today, against all promises, we won’t explore anything radical or original. Rather, something all too habitual.
Whether we succeed or we fail, showing up is half of the work. It’s a victory worth celebrating in itself. Walking down to the battle field already takes courage and practice.
Acting in alignment to duty is hardly what comes to us most naturally. Why? We’re information-maximising systems. Critical phenomena. Inherently sitting on the brink of order and disorder. We live balancing these critical conditions. If we were tuned in as to always prefer duty, we would very quickly converge to some fragile low-entropy configuration. We would be crystals.
Just have a look at the structure of this caffeine crystal! No surprise it can reorder our mind so powerfully.
I wondered often how could I make it easier for myself to sit down and write the next time. No answer arose. “Don't feel like starting again?” is the title of a long private memo, where I keep track of the feelings that come visit me when I can’t set my mind on going to battle. Why doesn’t it feel fun? Where would I even start from this next time?
I discovered that sometimes working on two pieces simultaneously helps reduce the attachment to how our writing will be received. A little distraction, or uncentering of the mind’s compass, can relax its judgment. Some keep a sparks diary, so that you can pluck an old idea that surprised or inspired you, to rekindle the mind's curiosity.
Many have taught that this problem reduces to relinquishing the responsibility of success or failure. Outcomes are beyond our control. We should feel equanimous about them. Yet, this can feel like another prescription we ought to follow and that hardly helps. Also, if success can feel impersonal and lucky, failure and rejection always feel rather personal.
As far as habit is concerned, every day is a war. We wage against the forces that hold us back. Against our beautiful fear of pain and our joyous attachment to comfort. These are forces that drive evolution. Responsible for the self-preservation of our species against all odds. We should be gentle against them. Strike with surgical precision. It’ll save us ammunition and casualties.
Pursuing the easiest meaningful effort. It’s a min-max equilibrium, if you know what I mean. Minimise the losses, not maximise the wins. This way, we keep learning and unlearning.
Thank you for sticking around along this journey!
